"Myla Rausche?"
"Here." Myla was sick of attendance. The year was about to be over, they should just drop the whole attendance thing and get on with class. She sighed and looked out the window. Only one more week. You can do this! She was starting to second-guess herself though, thinking that she couldn't get through this last week of school. Thoughts filled her mind of two years ago during the last week and a half of her freshman year when...It happened. She hated to think about It. She suddenly felt sick inside but quickly pushed the feeling away remembering that she has changed. She's not the same girl she was back in freshman year and she never will be. Sometimes she questioned if it were a good or a bad thing. She felt the constant need to live up to everyone's standards but her own. She always felt the pressures of being judged and so she acted as if her life was being watched by a survallience camera. She surveyed her every move careful of what to say or do next. She didn't want to do or say something that might offend anyone, of course. It was that summer that had to change everything. Her whole life turned around because of it. Well, mostly.
She looked up to find Holden Maeson staring gravely at her. A look that suggested a secret they both shared with each other. This time of the school year, the time that she used to look forward to, being the end of the year and all, was now only a hurtful reminder of what had happened two years ago.
The look made her nervous, her palms started to sweat and her heart-rate began to race but she held her comporsure as she always should. She nodded and smiled politely in his direction acting as if there was nothing unusual about the situation but he only looked away, a coldness, a blank stare in his eyes. Myla twitched and looked down at the single sheet of blank loose-leaf laying flat on her desk.
She just wanted things to be normal again; like he had said himself that night, "Let's just drop this okay? After tonight, none of this ever happened."
Yeah, acting like nothing ever happened. Sure, not as easy as it sounds. She wanted to, she really wanted to but she just...couldn't. No matter how much she tried. She found a new boyfriend, began to dress differently and even changed her personality just so she wouldn't have to be reminded of that night. She was no longer the fun party girl anymore. She dressed classy and tried to act classy too, completely changing her lifestyle. But it was no use. Every little reminder seemed to peer around every corner haunting her, even in her sleep.
After class Myla walked over to talk to Holden. It wasn't that they never talked to each other anymore, they just choose to remain casual and not really hang out ever for that constant nagging reminder of what had happened. "Holden, what was that about?"
"What was what about?" He spat, spite filling his tone.
"That...look you gave me." Myla lowered her voice to an almost-whisper, "I thought you said we we're dropping this. I can tell by the way you looked at me that your still thinking about it. Holden, it needs to stop."
"Your paranoid," was all he could say.
Myla tried to remain her composure as she spoke. "Yeah, well, I might be. But at least I'm not in denial."
"Did you not just say to me that we're dropping this? Myla, it's one or the other. And if I were you, I would choose forgetting about it entirely." Holden's voice held an edge to it and he began to walk away.
"No, wait." Myla reached out to grab Holden's arm before he could leave, her grasp was tight and he seemed suddenly surprised. She let go noticing her grip and he backed away a couple of steps. She hesitated.
"Well?" He was getting impatient, she could tell.
"Lately, I've been feeling like something's...missing. I don't know how to explain it, I just...it's confusing, actually. But, I don't know, I can't go on anymore acting like nothing happened. This has been killing me, Holden. I don't know what to do anymore. I really just don't know.." Myla looked down suddenly aware of expressing her emotions to Holden. She wanted to take it back, this was not a classy way of doing things. Certaintly the "camera crew" would be digging up this information at any given second and they would know everything. Well, that is, if this "camera crew" were real of course. What a silly, stupid girl, she thought. Living life as if cameras were watching you everywhere. It was probably unhealty, actually.
Yet, for some odd reason, she trusted Holden. A strange type of trust, but a trust nonetheless. She almost had to though through what they went through. If she didn't trust him and he didn't trust her, this whole ordeal would be one big mess.
"Look, I don't know what to tell you. You don't think that I don't feel the same way every day of my life? But that was two years ago, in the past, we need to let it go. Because if you tell, well, you should know by now that you're going down with me. It's time to let go, Myla. There's nothing we can do."
"But what if there is? What if we're missing something here? Maybe we should just try to stop avoiding the sitaution. I think it's only making it worse actually..." Myla noticed the desperation in her voice and was trying her hardest to just give up and give in.
"Stop thinking like that. It's done, OK?"
"But-"
"Stop. Seriously, Myla. Stop."
"Yeah, okay. It's probably...nothing."
"Good. It's gonna be fine. I promise." Holden reluctantly reached out and touched Myla's hand. A gentle, soft touch that sent tingles up and down her spine. He pulled away quickly though and then began to walk away without another word.
Myla stood in the middle of the hallway not sure of what to do next. Now her mind was racing and every little thought began to nag at her. Her encounter with Holden had been so... intoxicating. She wasn't sure of what she felt. She had her wonderful boyfriend, Rylan Freeland and she was not about to go there. There, meaning, with Holden. A girl could only get herself into so much trouble before completely loosing it. And, again, she was not about to go back to the Old Myla.
***
"TGIF!" Gemma raced over to Myla's car after school obviously excited that it was Friday.
"Hop in!" Myla exclaimed, thrilled to leave the place.
"Let's go out to eat, I'm hungry."
"Nah, I'm not in the mood for food. How about just lattes or frappes or something."
"Oookayyy, well I'm hungry and I want food."
"Oh - let's go to TTR then. They have frappes and scones and muffins and all that jazz. You can get your food, I can get my frappe. Win-Win!"
TTR - or, The Table Room, was the local coffee shop downtown with a small bakery attached to it that served homemade breads, pastries, and other desserts every day. People went to enjoy a nice cup of coffee - better than Starbuck's, a freshly baked scone, and a day to sit down with their laptops. Because, of course, TTR offered free Wi-Fi. No one ever really knew how The Table Room got its, say, different name, but no one ever really though to ask either. As if tables had anything to do with coffee and scones. Well, it didn't matter either way. Myla enjoyed spending rainy afternoons there on weekends. She would enjoy a nice warm cup of cinnamon mocha and a danish sitting in front of her as she gazed out the window to watch the rain pound against the sidewalks. It was actually one of her favorite pasttimes. It relaxed her and helped her to get her mind off of things. But today wasn't a rainy day, it was beautiful out, actually and Gemma wasn't giving her much of a choice.
"Sure, that sounds fine."
"So, I uh, saw you talking to Holden today. Rylan was kind of jealous. You know how he gets. Always assuming things. What was that about anyways?" Gemma looked utterly concerned, or confused, maybe.
Myla froze, slowly putting the car in drive. Had Rylan seen Holden touch her hand? But he possibly couldn't get mad at her for that, could he? "Oh, that? I just haven't talked to him in a while. Seeing how he's doing."
"Hm, strange." Gemma replied. "Well, anyways, guess what?!"
"You passed your chemistry test?" Myla felt relieved that Gemma hadn't decided to ask anymore questions. Gemma was queen of changing the subject when she got bored with one. The girl had the attention span of a goldfish.
"Well, no... but better news!"
"Oh Gemma, when are you going to study?"
"Psh, never! I'll get through somehow. But come onnn you have to guess!"
"Surprise me."
"Ugh, your never any fun with guessing games. Okay, okay, I'll just tell you then. Caleb and I are hooking up tonight!"
"Nice win Gem. You've been in love with the boy forever. I'm happy for you!"
"I knowww! Believe me, it wasn't easy. I had to play hard-to-get and he was playing it the same time I was and then we finally figured it out and stopped playing hard-to-get together." Gemma stopped to take a breath, "And then he's like, "My friend Will is having a pretty outrageous party tonight. I usually don't like going alone. Why don't I pick you up at eight?" It was that easy! So I mean, obviously we're gonna hook up. Party, hellooo, that's totally my place!"
"Always the charmer, aren't ya Gem?"
"Well, of course!" Gemma clapped her hands and rolled down the window as they left the school parking lot. She blasted a Taylor Swift song and began singing along as if she didn't have a care in the world. How Myla longed to live like that. And she probably could, she just didn't allow herself to do so. Old Myla would have but New Myla knew it was a little too risky letting herself go like that. "Come on Myles! Live a little!"
"I'm driving. Gotta pay attention to the road!" She half-joked.
"Really Myla, like what happened? Your such a straight-edge now. Let loose every once in a while. It wouldn't kill ya!"
She had no idea.
